A word from the Secret Estate Agent...

In 2009, I was unfairly sacked from my job at a very well-known estate agents.

I had done nothing and was merely taking the flack for a massive cock-up from a total wanker of a colleague.

So I started secretly tapping his phone calls to prove to my boss that this guy was a total chump. And I struck gold....

The films that I am releasing over the next 8 weeks will expose this tosser and hopefully bury him.

I am the Secret Estate Agent. And revenge is sweet...

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Lemon Chicken anyone?

Had a very eventful night. First of all, I dreamt that the chinese restaurant that my family used to go to when I was a child, had named a dish in my honour. Number 17 I think. Lemon chicken. A childhood favourite of mine. Then, my ex girlfriend had received a package from John Terry's wife, saying to her that "John wanted you to have this". Obviously I thought this was a little suspicious, and on grilling her, she confessed to having a fling with him when we were going out. Gutting. There can't be many things more harmful to your self esteem than a woman finding John Terry more appealing than yourself. The fact that she said his wealth was a major factor really got me blubbing. Eventually my sleep tears woke me up.

Onto news from the real world, and there may be a breakthrough in 'Tim Gate'. My solicitor mate is 90% confident that we're good to go on the last few films and is just checking out one final detail to make sure we are bullet proof. I'll keep you posted. He's doing me a massive favour looking into this when he gets a spare moment, although I think his boss knows about it and is quite enjoying the drama.

However, sadly for Tim, this does mean that once I get the go ahead, I will be poppping down to Boots to pick up a Jumbo sized bottle of lubricant and a ton of Vinyl gloves. So, Timbo, it's time to dust of those knee pads and adopt the brace position. Mwahahahaha

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Lawyers are just no fun

So, Tim has now taken some 'official' legal action against me, therefore I'm holding off for the time being from showing everyone the remaining films. I haven’t got a clue about all this legal stuff, but to play it safe, I’m having a friend look at the situation. Who would have thought that wiretapping someone’s phone could be so contentious? Some people are just too precious.

Anyway, I’ve also had many people asking for more regular updates, so I’ve made a vow to keep you all in the loop as to what the situation is with Tim and whether or not he has finally got the heavies on to me (seriously though, who threatens someone by saying their Dad is going to send the heavies round. What a cockrod). Maybe I'll just tell everyone who he is and leg it to the Costa Del Sol, Buster styleee.

And for you Tim, (as I know full well you’re reading all this), you really are one of the most gloriously pathetic losers on this planet, and without you, my life would be so so much more boring. Please never change. The world needs bellends like you. Occasionally.